Recovering perfectionist

This picture is actually old, but it made me stop when I found it today, because it kind of demonstrates a part of who I am. A part of my personality that I wanted to transform in last months. As I am a combination of a free spirit and a perfectionist mind and have ambitious goals and a desire to simply travel and live a free live - at the same - it reveals pretty challenging sometimes (as well as sticking to my priorities).

I'm always trying to be grateful for who I am, to accept it, embrace it, love it and live it.. but as it is a process, reflecting on last months I need to say that I really failed in doing so. And I would like to share it with you, not because it would be something to be proud of, but because mistakes are here so we can learn from them and grow.

This year was a hectic year (and still actually is). I'm incredibly thankful for it and for what I have learned. ❤ But to be honest, I didn't really take enough time for myself and things that make me happy and have set my expectations too high.

In this sense, perfectionism that is deeply rooted in me, had a great chance to grow even I didn't realise it. I lived in such a busy buble and tried to become the ideal version of mine that doesn't exist and never will exist. It started as a slow process that became more and more intensive, till there were days that I was crying before falling asleep, because I was disappointed of me NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH. It didn't matter that there was nothing more that I could have done that day, have used every minute in a useful way and have done my best.. I just wasn't good enough. And that is just one of the examples. At some point, I felt like I don't know who I am anymore. I had experienced the feeling of being lost many times before. But I forgot how painful it is.

Some weeks ago, when I have realised how much perfectionism affected my life and that I wanted to give up on that spontaneous adventurous girl I am in order to replace it with something perfect and unexisting, I wanted to cry. (Not I wanted, I obviously did.)

At that time, I read an amazing poem. It's called "Love after love" by Derek Walcott.:

“The time will come when, with elation you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror and each will smile at the other's welcome, and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self. Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you all your life, whom you ignored for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes, peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.”

Whether you're a perfectionist or not, there might come situations into your life when you'll try to become someone else and will not appreciate who you are. Please, don't do so. You're great just the way you are and the world needs your authentic Self. ❤

We do fail, but we can learn from it and grow. I'm choosing to be HAPPY rather than PERFECT. I'm choosing to be the REAL ME with all aspects of my personality. And I know that I need to do so every day. Because it's about the small things we do and attitudes we stand for every single day.

We only have one life, guys. Let's love it and enjoy it in fullness.

Have a great day!!